Unbound Light
Wrapping up 2019! We feel secure when we are bound together with people, places and things at times. Especially when anything truly knows us, gives us strength, provides us meaning and empowers us to be courageous. Being bound is important, but when we choose to let loose of people, places and things that hold us back from who we are destined to be we are given an opportunity to release any binds holding us back. Become the unbound light you are meant to be. I believe there are times we need to be unbound. We need to not feel confined to a certain way of doing things and we need to free ourselves of anything that weighs us down. As we finish unwrapping our gifts and begin to wrap up 2019, there are a few things I would like for us to consider asking ourselves before entering 2020 (don’t worry we have about five days to do this!) I would love to hear your thoughts on any of the questions shared here:
As we think about these questions, I encourage you to find a time and a place that gives you a sense of peace to be with yourself to reflect. When I prepare for each year I start thinking about the binds I wish to have continue in my life that keep me secure and the binds that I need to release. These binds that I wish to keep can be easily understood as well as heart wrenching if they are kept or released. Secure binds that I wish to keep this year are the relationships with my immediate family and my enjoyment for activities surrounding health and wellbeing. The binds I wish to release myself from are environments that I feel are not inclusive. My hope is to have my unbound light shared in the places that need it the most, to step out of my own understanding of what is right, to listen to God and the Holy Spirit who are guiding me to have open arms to all needing love. I will not cohere to environments that exclude others. This quote by Abraham Lincoln had me thinking about what I will part from this year. “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.” - Abraham Lincoln For almost a half year I have struggled with where I will place my energies in listening to God and the purpose I am meant to lead. It lead me to a difficult decision the end of this year to leave my current church home that I have been a part of for three years. Some of my reflections this year: I have been struggling with my purpose for a few months now and trying to figure out where I belong as a member of a church. There are moments when I feel like I’m in a ditch because of my work with equity, diversity and inclusion. I have had friends close to me with various identities attend my church and have chosen not to attend (for example because of their sexual orientation and their family not feeling welcomed). I also have struggled with the importance of finding a place that embraces interfaith dialogue. I truly believe as a light of God it is hard for me not to embrace various spiritual beliefs and to break bread with others around me who are different. On the daily I am working with colleagues who are Muslim, Jewish, international, gay, lesbian, transgender, black, brown, rich, poor, conservative, liberal, undocumented, and the list goes on. Love is love. I have spent so much quiet time with God trying to work through the decision to step away. I appreciate my former church and church family. My hope is to continue to have relationships with many whom are dear friends. My former church was the place in 2016 that ignited my relationship with God and broke my heart to love people. I appreciate and love them all so much and that they were open to hear my recent struggles. God is in my ear telling me to use Jesus as my vessel to be the light while also embracing and loving all those who are different from me. All of us are loved by God and being open to love everyone as the Samaritan did is important to me. Deciding to release myself from my former church hit me hard and continues to do so, it still has me on a roller coaster. I have cried hard in solitude, knowing it is God continuing to break my heart even more, God’s love encourages me to be courageous. The question on my heart these days when I have conversations with God: What is the place where I can shine my light bright and embrace difference? I will continue to pray about next steps and be patient. I will consider what I will bind myself to and what I will release myself from knowing I can exude an unbound light. I have had so many friends all over the world with various identities and for many their foundation of their identity is being Christian. I will bind myself to opportunities where I will have Jesus be my vessel to love all and to environments that welcome all. It is not my place to judge right from wrong. I will make my voice heard and unbind myself from environments that are not welcoming to all identities. This year for me the binds I’m keeping and releasing had to do with my spiritual and religious life. What part of your life are you considering to bind yourself to and what part are you going to shine your unbound light. I ask us again to consider the following questions:
Remember you have always had permission to shine your unbound light.
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Light Celebrating in Complexity The holiday season can have us reliving past heartache, wishing for things we don’t have, and missing those we’ve lost. Listen to your heart, what fills it? How can you bring a sense of care to yourself and others? We can see the outside appearance of someone as we walk by them in the hallway at work or as we scroll to see their smiles on social media. To each other we can sometimes view each other as pieces of perfection. Today with this post my only wish is to acknowledge that many of us are faced with complexity as we guide ourself through celebrating the holiday season For some of us it could be the loss of a loved one, a divorce or breakup, financial concerns or being far away from loved ones (and the list goes on). This could be you or someone close to you. My healing from my parents divorce and my own from eight years ago has evolved. My parents got divorced when I was six and it started me on the path of various holiday traditions based on my parents availability or lack there of. Much of it was hard to understand as a child. I would never wish divorce on anyone, however, my own divorce taught me so much about the importance of putting the child’s needs before my own. Even if I struggled with the loss of not having my son with me through parts of the holiday season it was important not to deny my ex husband the time he deserves with his son. It takes time to build new traditions in divorce life and it probably will not look the same each year. I’ve learned that the happiness of my son and my ex makes it better for all of us all around, giving my son even more people to love him. Even in the seriousness of divorce and the complexity that comes celebrating the holiday season it helps to find humor in the situation. If you or someone close to you is currently celebrating in the complexity how about sharing a laugh, a tear and some good old humor filled with love. To be a light celebrating in complexity this holiday season... 1. Acknowledge the reality that life is complex. 2. Give into tears and laughter this season. 3. Listen to your heart and give yourself a break. 4. Understand that others have their on challenges celebrating complexity. 5. Share a hug, it might just make you and someone else feel a bit better. 6. Be gentle with your words and intentional with your actions. 7. See the light in a child’s eyes and have it remind you that we are all children needing love and light, don’t deny a child what they need. Open your eyes and heart, shine your light in the complexity. Listen with intent, the answer lies within you. Give your light permission to celebrate in the complexity. . Light Going Against the Grain
Would you have courage to use your voice to say what needs to be said? Would if it meant standing by yourself in pure vulnerability? Would if it meant letting go or moving on to fulfill your purpose? Would if it made you lose something? Would you stick with something if it went against the grain of everything you believed in and hoped for? The phrase going against the grain is when something is very difficult for you to accept or do, because it conflicts with your values or beliefs. Choosing to be turned on by conflict versus turned off engages us in doing something about it. Sometimes you will be used for what you can do by others who dislike the thread that you represent to fight the battle that needs to be fought. When you face opposition and are figuring out how you will respond, it will be hard. Some days you will respond as a warrior ready to fight the battle and other days as a worshipper ready to spread the word about what’s worth fighting for. Are you in a moment of going against the grain, in a place where it is challenging to accept or be a part of something that conflicts with your beliefs? Will you be courageous and make your voice heard through battle and give worth to what you need to fight for? We will all face battles and will have to choose how to respond, in those moments we are a light going against the grain. Go out there, do not be afraid and do not get discouraged. Get out there and face them. A Light Blessed By Beverly
Many times we spend our days rushing around focusing on the things we have to get done. In the middle of our checking things off the to do list something happens to slow us down. In the moment we think, ugh, why now? Now, I have to deal with this really? This is going to *************. So where am I going with this? On Wednesday of this week I was checking off the to do’s so I could head out for the holiday break with family. I had gone to the doctor for a checkup, dropped off collected items to Goodwill and arrived back at the house to finish packing. As I was collecting my things to get out of the car I realized I did not have my wallet. Oh no, was it in the car, at Goodwill or did I leave it thirty minutes away at the doctor’s office. I don’t have time for this today! I traveled back to Goodwill to ask if I could double check my bag that I dropped off to see if maybe just maybe I dropped my wallet into the bags. It was not there, I left my phone number with the store and asked for the cashier to call me if someone happens to find it. I left and began to drive thirty minutes back to the doctor’s office to see if I left it there. My eleven year old son was traveling with me, we get to the office which is a three story office building with multiple doctors’ offices (eye, pediatrician, and more). We first went to my doctor’s office and asked if anyone had found a wallet. No wallet had been found. My son and I started on the first floor and went to every single office to ask around about the wallet. No wallet here, no wallet here, no wallet here. Ugh! After almost an hour of searching and sharing my phone number with various receptionists, nurses, and patients, it was time to give up and start calling the bank and credit card companies to cancel cards. As I drove back to the house, I spoke to providers through the Bluetooth canceling cards. After a few hours of “wallet loss stress” and being behind with our travel schedule my phone rang. It was Beverly, a stranger who called to tell me she found my wallet and would be happy to get it to me. Thank you, Beverly! Beverly is an amazing human, she cared for a stranger more than about herself for a moment. I was fortunate to have a stranger like Beverly in my life that day, for that I am most grateful. This week I got to be a light blessed by Beverly. May we be grateful for the Beverlys in our life. Today let’s thank all of the Beverlys and choose to be a Beverly in someone else’s life. Beverly, I promise to pay it forward. “Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.” – Henri Frederic Amiel Light’s Love Language Have you ever thought about how you communicate your love for someone? Do you know what language to use? In Gary Chapman’s book titled, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, he provides five languages for us to use to communicate with our partner (and can be used to better express our love for our best friends, parents, and children). We can use love languages to better understand those closest to us by speaking our loved one’s language and giving ourselves self love language. Partner’s Love Language Self Love Language If you are interested in finding out your love language click here heart ❤️ Understanding your partner’s primary love language contributes to a stronger bond and creates opportunities to support your partner during challenging and celebratory times. My primary love language is quality time. For me I am not concerned with the amount of time I spend with my partner. I feel comforted when I enjoy quality time where I have my partner’s undivided attention. I don’t want to simply be included in a moment, I want to enjoy being with my partner when there are few distractions (television, phones, really any distractions). My fiancé and I talk about this quite a bit, especially when life gets busy. We intentionally make plans to spend time with each other, things such as morning coffee to catch up about life and the world to planning a date night for the two of us. My fiancé’s primary love language is words of affirmation. He enjoys receiving messages from me that show I care or cards that I leave around for him to find. Those who have this as their primary love language enjoy shared words of affirmation on a consistent basis and feel best supported as the receiver of this language. The funny thing is as individuals we tend to give our partners the love language we prefer but this may not be the best approach because you are not meeting their specific need. For example, my fiancé and I both tend to give each other our love language. It’s not always easy giving others what they need but let me tell you the benefit of speaking the right love language can go a long way. It doesn’t just happen, you have to dedicate time to talk about how to best communicate to meet each other’s needs. By acknowledging each other’s love language you are able to invest in the relationship. I haven’t always done the relationship thing right, Understanding the five languages is one resource to try and is a great dialogue starter for me and my fiancé. Creating space to chat about each other’s love language helps with doing life together. There are times he is out serving our community as a firefighter and I am away traveling for conferences presenting or attending meetings. We have to be attentive to each other’s needs for our relationship to flourish, It’s not always easy as we both have learned in the past and when life gets busy it can be challenging. We know it takes work, we are willing to do the work for a strong partnership even when the path of life throws us curve balls. How will you communicate your love and speak to the light’s love language in your life? “Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction the satisfaction of having genuinely loved” - Gary Chapman Light Enduring Pain to Enjoy the Gain What’s the idea of calling me (or you) Wonder Woman? The above question continues to swirl in my mind. It makes sense that the question resides in my brain due to my current research with a colleague. We are studying women’s experiences in campus recreation and listening to stories of 36 different women. I dialogue daily with students who are women navigating their college journey and converse with various women that I mentor and sponsor. Many times as women we place a woman on a pedestal, we believe they are perfect and we may even strive to be like them. We create their story from only seeing on side, the one portrayed in public (social media or at work) not the one in private (at home or with someone trusted). As women, I believe it is important for us to publicly share snapshots of our private story with other women for us to truly understand the reality of how we do what we do. Hey, you think I’m a Wonder Woman. Oh, you think I’m a Wonder Woman. Well friend, how about we just get real with each other. Would if we shared more about what we endure and what brings us joy. By not acknowledging the pain it may be more challenging to let the gains begin. To endure pain and enjoy gains. Merriam Webster dictionary defines pain as
Merriam Webster dictionary defines gain as
Discomfort or trouble that we encounter will find us throughout our lived experience. If we look back and reflect on past pain we may do a better job of enjoying our gains. By reflecting on past pain and gains we exhibit resiliency and the future pain we experience will not have us compromising moments to enjoy our gains. How should Wonder Women be described? Maybe just maybe we describe ourselves as imperfect, perfectly imperfect. That the true Wonder Women are the women who choose vulnerability, who empower others by sharing their pain and encourage others to enjoy their gains. What Makes a Light? In all I do I will never give up trying to help others be self aware and create opportunities to better understand others. To share stories, to ask questions, to step into uncomfortable. In the United States, we are in a place of us versus them, where we use words such as disgust as we describe political affiliations. Our anxiousness as a nation is fueled by the lenses of political polarization and economic and social inequalities. Many days this ways heavy on my heart. I do my best to be an advocate for creating spaces to engage in dialogue that can be very uncomfortable and extremely difficult. There are days that I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and think to myself, how will I begin this dialogue today? I am currently teaching a course this semester titled, “Engaging in Difficult Dialogue: Leadership, Moral Courage and Critical Hope.” The course is structured around tiers to assist the learning community to build upon techniques for engaging in difficult dialogue. For example, here are a few of the resources: 1. Understanding Self: Social Identity Mapping 2. Brave Spaces versus Safe Spaces 3. Understanding Others: Johari Window 4. Debate/Discussion/Dialogue We use these resources as tools to assist us in our course journey. My hope is to give my students resources to engage in dialogue that is challenging. A couple years ago a commercial by Heineken came out that brought people together with varying beliefs. When there is opportunity to connect and build community we don’t always initially see in someone the things we disagree with. Many times when we step into a place of disagreement with someone or a group of people we may become disgusted by their viewpoint versus trying to understand “why” the person believes the way they do. If we are disgusted, we tend to strongly disapprove of the person or thing that has offended us.
I’ll be honest, I have moments of passion where I feel disgusted by something someone did or said. As I engage in more work around dialogue I find that being disgusted doesn’t get me any closer to understanding or to a solution. We are at a moment in time of division where we discuss the importance of democracy and freedom but are divisive in our actions. If we choose to look to one another with disgust based on our political affiliations then we lose sight of learning from one another to make change. One person does not represent an entire group of people. How do we step out of our disgust and step into dialogue with those whose views vary from ours? Should we be disgusted by what we disagree with? How do we approach someone or a group if we feel disgusted by their beliefs? I know some will think I am full of s***, when I say what I am going to say as I continue to write but here goes…LOVE. That’s what I am full of, I am full of L***. When did love become the negative. As humans we crave connection with others and we want to be loved. If we choose to come to one another with love versus disgust we will express greater interest in someone and exude empathy. I share this because I am proud of my students as we are engaging in this journey together to find common ground with those we disagree with. To create brave spaces to have difficult dialogue, to acknowledge when we are not listening, to ask questions to better understand, to know the complexities of challenges and problems, to create solutions, and to address critical challenges. We can’t solve difficult problems in tribal silos. Being full of L***, is it okay for me to use that word? Love. Love. Love. I said it. Love. I say love is important because if we step into an uncomfortable space and see the humanness in others we choose to care for others and we want to hear their stories, we want to understand their “why” and we want connection. Just maybe we will be able to stop ourselves from creating divisive environments of us versus them and realize we are all connected. Why not choose, love us and love them. Love. Love. Love. What makes a light? Love makes a light. Remove oneself from a place of disgust and step into the uncomfortable with love. Shine Your Light in the Arena.
Stepping into the arena takes on many forms, showing up on the field to making your voice known. Merriam-Webster defines arena as…
Shining your light in the arena is getting in there and doing something, having the courage to take a risk even if you fail. The words “daring greatly” in the title of Brene´ Brown’s book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead came from a speech that Theodore Roosevelt gave in 1910. The famous passage from his speech sometimes called, “The Man in the Arena” reads: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Think of a time when you were sitting somewhere doubting yourself. Now think of a time you showed up on the field or stood up to make your voice known...I’m here and I’m going to try this triumph or not. For me, I have found that when I doubt myself I need to find people and places that take me out of this line of thinking. We can find ourselves falling down a rabbit hole if we let our mind wonder into the abyss of doubt. In many cases while we are doubting ourselves there are others sitting around afraid of what we are capable of. It is time to play, go shine your light in the arena. Some Kinda Good Light
As a little girl I use to spend time with my grandfather John Thomas Williams (PaPa) at the local Exxon gas station. I would speak with people in the local community as they shopped. Some would stay for a while sitting on a crate sharing stories and I would listen with anticipation. I liked to help with unpacking delivery trucks (which often led to me picking out a free treat). Working with PaPa was hard work filled with joy. .I truly owe much to my PaPa for instilling in me the importance of hard work and enjoying life. One of his favorite sayings while eating a good meal was that’s some kinda good. He passed away when I was 18, 24 years ago. He was a farmer and manager of an Exxon gas station. He was the only child out of his five siblings who did not go to college. PaPa stayed back to manage the local gas station and run the family farm, he became an icon in Baskerville, Virginia. I say icon because it didn’t matter who you were he welcomed you with open arms and he was there for you during times of celebration and times of loss. Today’s in honor of my PaPa who was some kinda good would have been 101 years old this week. A few years ago I wrote this poem about PaPa. EXXON MAN Hours on end he works to earn a dollar Hardworkn' man who isn't wearn' a shirt with a collar Traveln' the pavement early to the store on the corner Responsibility to be there a duty of an owner Unlockn' the door to start a new day Turnn' the light enjoyn' the stay First visitor of the day stops in to visit On a worn wooden crate, a great place to sit Midday has arrived time for somethn' to eat Microwave cheeseburger, ketchup in the fridge, takn' a seat Little girls the love of his life spendn' time at the store Eatn' rat cheese from the box always wantn' more Vendors drop by what is he needn' Leavn' the store to check on the cows who need feedn' Back to the store it's almost seven Turn the key to the Pontiac, engine revn' Makn' it home for supper time Scarfn' down homemade biscuits after workn' for a dime Belly full, eyes closed snorn' at the table Wake up for a bit sittin' in the recliner watchn' cable Time to hit the sack and start dreamn' Visions of farmn’ and pond water gleamn' Roosters are crown' time to wake up Startn early again, brewn' a big cup My grandfather instilled in me that it’s okay to work hard, get dirty, and enjoy the moment. I remember watching how hard he worked but also how he exuded joy in his day to day life. Let’s just say he encouraged me to take risk and in the end no matter the outcome life is some kinda good. Papa showed me on many occasions how much he loved me and supported me to enjoy life - like the time I asked him to tie up my flower girl dress at my cousin’s wedding so I could climb trees. He encouraged me to be adventurous because this life we have is some kinda good., we deserve to find joy everyday. In honor of my grandfather, I encourage you to do something today that is some kinda good. “Stay close to the lake to meet your own peace of mind.” - Munia Khan Today’s blog is short and sweet, a reminder to find a place to be calm, free of worry, and experience joy. That’s exactly what I’m up to during this year’s fall break...at the lake. Peaceful moments can be hard to come by, when you have that rare time, take it and protect it. Choose being well and rested. Give yourself permission to escape. Find inner peace away from the distractions of stressors and obligations. Peace of mind is a priority, find that special place. You deserve it! |
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