Lights Taking a Breath on the Mountain
Ever done something that you were scared to do and as soon as you found yourself in the experience anxiety bubbles up and begins running through your bloodstream...hands shaking, chest pounding, and heavy breathing. This week I traveled to New Hampshire with people I care deeply about. A good way to spend a few days is with people who mean the world to you. I’m always saying it’s important to take risks, so how do I role model this...I take a risk. I decided to go skiing with loved ones, I’ve only been one other time in my entire life and it was over twenty years ago. My anxiety slowly began that morning and when I actually had my skis on the slopes I needed a brown bag to breathe in, I still have chest pains. I made it onto the training bunny slope, I had amazing teachers and guides. However, only I myself could tame the anxiety I was feeling. I did do one green line slope but by the time I got to the end I thought my heart would explode right out of my chest. I informed my crew that I would stay behind and they could continue. I encouraged them to hit the slopes and I would stay and take my breath in the lodge. I truly appreciated them letting me stay behind and letting me be happy with my decision. As I was happy they could proceed to the slopes. Taking a breath and being comfortable being uncomfortable is key to learning more about ourselves and others. Be comfortable being uncomfortable after trying something new even if it’s not for you. Where on a mountain would you take a breath?
Your inner circle cares deeply about you and you care deeply for them because they teach you, support you, and challenge you when your taking a risk to do something new. You reciprocate this to them as well. This inner circle love doesn’t shame you in how you wish to take a breath on the mountain because they know that you would support them in how they choose to take a breath on the mountain.. I’m blessed to have individuals in my inner circle who love me for me. We respect how each other will take a breath on the mountain.
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An Enduring & Persevering Light
I’m blessed to have God’s light in my heart to endure and persevere for my light to shine through any celebration or pain. 2 Timothy 2:12 If we endure, We shall also reign with Him Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines endure as the ability to remain firm under suffering or misfortune without yielding. The dictionary defines perseverance as a continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. To be strong in grace one will continue to move from comfort to challenge to comfort throughout a lifetime. A year ago I was baptized at Hope Church in Burlington, North Carolina. I actually was baptized at the age of eleven in an Episcopal Church. As a child I believe I understood what was taking place, however, as I got older I drifted further and further away from God. I think I drifted because I got caught up in being dramatic and reactive about life’s trials and tribulations. Now I go to God daily, sometimes there is a response and sometimes I’m reminded to be patient with God’s timing. Through past suffering I needed to continue to strive forward despite any failures. I needed to find God in the present situation and not rely on my own understanding. God has a plan. Finding my faith, having hope and knowing that God’s love is long lasting is what gives me strength on a daily basis (even on days when my faith may be small). God’s love awakened me to do the work of Jesus. To be love and reflect God’s light. I have learned to understand that there is no human who can fulfill everything that I need and who will always be there for me during this worldly time on Earth. I will have communities of people to love and who will love me, however, it is not fair to place that responsibility on any human being. God is there for that. Many times as a young woman I always thought that I had to have the love of a man or others to be complete. When all I needed was to put God first in my heart. God’s love helps me set the standard and everything else will fall into place. I learned over the past two years not to compromise my relationship with God. God is my foundation and is always with me. God will never leave my side no matter the trial or tribulation. God is my protector. A relationship with God is not something someone else can give you. I remember being in a relationship once with a man who told me he had to be with a woman of God. This was at a time I did not have a strong relationship with God. However, this man showing up for a season in my life journey exposed me to experiences with God which led me to a relationship with God. Even though our relationship did not work out I believe the man arrived on my path as a gift from God to illustrate to me that God is always protecting me through each season. Sometimes we have people placed in our life to gain understanding of God’s true plan in our life (and sometimes it can be a painful lesson). For me, I’ve learned a few hard lessons (let’s be honest, more than a few) and one thing I do understand now is that God will offer me forgiveness and healing. God is always with me. God has the vision, each moment of my lived experiences is part of God’s plan. God is concerned with where I am going and who I am becoming. It’s an endless supply of hope through all that I endure. I will persevere. Developing a relationship with God, ignited a fire in my heart to honor God. For many years I served as a skeptic, I now trust in God’s promise, God’s promise is bigger than any past failures or achievements I experience. . Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. - C.S. Lewis Light Receiving Feedback
How important is feedback? Does feedback help us learn with the objective to do better and be better than we were the day before? In an article titled, Giving Effective Feedback, Mckimm (2009) shares, “Feedback is a vital part of education and training which, if carried out well, helps motivate and develop learners’ knowledge, skills and behaviors. It helps learners to maximize their potential and professional development at different stages of training, raise their awareness of strengths and areas for improvement, and identify actions to be taken to improve performance” (p. 158). For almost a year, I have actively engaged in the learning process of creating my personal website, Friendly Light, Cara Lucia and writing a blog post every Friday. After this Friday, I have six more blog posts to write and then it will be a full year of writing for Friendly Light, Cara Lucia. When I read the article by McKimm (2009), I felt encouraged to ask for feedback about my past year’s work with Friendly Light. Feedback is formal and informal. McKimm (2009) describes attributes of both formal and informal feedback in her article, here are a few that stand out to me in regards to the context of feedback for my website and blog. Formal Feedback:
Informal Feedback:
The above are only a few examples of formal and informal feedback. My hope is this generates ideas about how to go about giving feedback. I am asking for feedback from you. I understand that some will be positive and negative – that’s great. I am hoping to do better and be better each day. I am opening the gate to contact me or to leave a comment below. Here are some starter questions:
Thank you for your support and for challenging me to do better and be better. I look forward to hearing from you. “We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” - Bill Gates A Compassionate Light Takes Action
As humans we can be quite selfish, wanting what we want when we want it no matter the implications our selfish behavior has on others. Would if we decided to untie our shoes and replace them with someone else’s shoes...would we then express compassion for others suffering? A few years back I found an activity by a teacher who would have her students take their shoes off and place them in a pile in the middle of the room. Each child was responsible for going to the pile and picking out a pair of shoes that was not their pair. All of the students were asked to make a circle and place their new shoes in front of them. I started using this activity with my students as well as professionals in various leadership workshops. Once everyone is in the circle with their new shoes, I state, “now you have a new pair of shoes, these are the only shoes you have access to for the entire year.” I begin to receive reactions such as... “These will be to tight, I’ll get blisters.” “If it’s cold these shoes won’t keep my feet warm” “These shoes have heels, how can I walk in these all day everyday for a year, my legs and feet will hurt.” “Umm, this isn’t my style.” “Wait, they are huge, I’ll be dragging my feet to keep them on.” Have you ever thought what it might be like to wear someone else’s shoes? The outsider looking in might say, what’s the big deal everyone got a pair of shoes? But do the shoes they receive meet their needs or am I only thinking well my shoes feel great and they got shoes so what’s the big deal. Well, okay we can say that everyone is equal because each individual got a pair of shoes but we have to ask ourself are we exhibiting equity, are we showing compassion for those who are suffering because they have shoes that don’t meet their specific needs. Merriam - Webster’s Dictionary defines compassion as a sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. If there is a desire to alleviate the distress of others then to be compassionate one must take action. So if we know someone’s shoes don’t fit (they are distressed) be it our parents, children, significant other, friends, colleagues or strangers, what responsibility to act do we have to alleviate it? Consider for a few days your own moments of selfishness and how you might place yourself in someone else’s situation. How might you demonstrate compassion to the individual who is suffering? “When we sign up for compassion, we’re going to have homework.” - Anonymous Shine a Light of Critical Hope & Sustain Hope
As I prepare for a reading group that I’m co-leading with a colleague for the book titled, “Learning as a Way of Leading: Lessons from the Struggle for Social Justice,” I found myself reflecting on the construct of HOPE. One of the chapters in the book dives deeper into various versions of HOPE, naive HOPE and critical HOPE. Naive HOPE is “a weak form of HOPE, is inattentive to how disorienting despair can be and unappreciative of how much must be done to overcome injustice” (Preskill & Brookfield, 2009, p. 171). Critical HOPE “demands that leaders take up the most difficult challenges, explore the most sensitive subjects, and raise the most daring questions”. (Preskill & Brookfield, 2009, p. 173) This is only the beginning of this conversation for me, my HOPE (no pun intended), is to discuss this again in the future, however, I need more time to read and learn more about the construct. I must address that only this past week did I start diving deeper into learning more about HOPE. I have much more to learn and I encourage you to learn along with me. As the book title says: LEARNING IS A WAY OF LEADING. To be a leader and to exhibit leadership one must continue the learning journey. Daily we see through various mediums injustices throughout the world, from abuse to racism to poverty to gender inequality and on and on and on. Why does having HOPE sometimes feel like it quickly can turn to despair, disappointment or frustration (Solnit, 2004)? Have you ever felt as though any efforts you make aren’t making a dent in a problem you are trying to help solve? For a few minutes, I want you to step away from what you might have seen on television or your social media feed and think about what gives you HOPE. How do you spread HOPE to others? Are you willing to explore a more sensitive subject and raise a daring question? If so, what would that subject be and what questions would you ask? Examples of HOPE are happening around us every day, through small acts of kindness, advocacy efforts in our community, and creation of programs contributing to positive change. In Learning as a Way of Leading, chapter 9 discusses learning to sustain HOPE in the face of struggle. A leader wanting to shine a light of critical HOPE and sustain HOPE might (Preskill & Brookfield, 2009, bullets adapted from p. 177):
It takes a community full of HOPE, not naïve but critical HOPE to sustain HOPE and for us to live a journey of a fruitful life. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King, Jr. Generational Light I wanted to spend some time talking a bit about generational differences. What stereotypes have you made toward those who are younger or older than you? Have you ever been perceived a certain way based on your age? Well, right now I bet if I asked everyone they would answer yes to both. Why is it that we lump each generation together? The idea to discuss generations came about after visiting my Aunt Frankie who recently turned 96 years old over the weekend. During the two hour visit we sat at the dining room table sipping tea and eating assorted pastries. At one point Frankie began to tell stories about her experiences teaching. My grandmother, Frankie and their siblings grew up in Richwood, West Virginia. Frankie first taught in West Virginia and then had the idea to find out about teaching abroad, this was in the 1940s. Her and one of her best friends went to interview. There were multiple countries that the interviewer asked if Frankie would be willing to go and teach. One of the countries was Okinawa. Shortly after the interview, Frankie was informed that she was selected for Okinawa. She headed abroad and her teaching experiences had her in Okinawa, Japan, Korea and eventually Germany. As she told her story myself (millennial/gen xer), my aunt Janis (baby boomer), and my son Caelan (gen Z) listened to every word. In the above scenario we might say my great aunt who is in the traditionalist is long winded and doesn’t understand the times or I know that ten year old at the table is going to ask for his phone to play Fortnite. Well, neither of those were true, here we had four generations present all engaging in the conversation together, laughing and sharing stories. You might be thinking right now, who cares and why does this matter. Why? Because we are about to have five generations in the workplace. Not only the workplace, consider in your families, at the place you workout, your church or synagogue, or social activities. People are living longer, working longer, and overall engaged in various activities longer. With my class on Monday we were talking about the job search process and the importance of understanding the impact of multiple generations in a work environment. For class we watched the following Ted Talk to kick start our conversation. I challenge all of us to intentionally think about our own generation and other generations. Google for a bit and take some time to read up on your generation and those before you and after you.
We can many times get caught up in the stereotype of one generation very easily. For example, that baby boomer over their sure does work hard but doesn’t know one thing about technology or that millennial over there knows their technology but always has ear plugs in and never listens. Many times I’ve been in professional situations where I am the youngest and it is assumed I know how to fix the technology problem or I’m just another one of those millennials who only cares about social media. We’ve all been there, generation after generation perceiving things about the generation before us and after us. Over the next week, I challenge us to think about how we interact with others from different generations. How might we find time to know the story of another generation to keep harmony in the workplace, our families, and our social activities? A breath of our inspiration, is the life of each generation. - Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy A Light with a Goal As we step into 2019, we see flashes of individuals’ goals and dreams revolving in our social media feed. There are words of intention for the New Year to lists of the past year’s experiences. We aspire for what 2019 will bring. For the winter term semester at my university I am teaching a self-reflective career course for three weeks. The first day students developed a word of intention for the year, selected five of their top values and brainstormed the benefits and obstacles of creating a goal. Merriam Webster dictionary defines a goal as, “the end toward which effort is directed.” For our class students will gear their assignments toward accomplishing a career related goal. The students in the course are juniors and seniors. Students will create a goal for acquiring a job, applying for an internship or submitting a graduate school application. Before jumping right in towriting a goal, I had the students spend time developing a word of intention for 2019. Each student wrote out the word on a sheet of paper and then shared with the entire class what the word meant to them, we then placed all of our words in the center of the floor so that we could see them the entire class. Next, the students completed a values exercise. The students read approximately 75 words and through a three step-process, students identified five values. Once students identified their values, a few selected to share aloud what the value meant to them individually. It was time to begin developing a goal – not any old goal that comes to mind and we slop it on the paper but a S (specific) M (Meaningful) A (Adaptive) R (Realistic) and T (Time-framed) goal. To give the students an example I shared a research project that I am currently working on with a colleague and I outlined each element. My colleague and I are interviewing women about their professional trajectory in the campus recreation field. Specific – My colleague and I will write a journal article for our research study titled, "Passage through the Leadership Labyrinth: Women’s Journey in the Collegiate Recreation Profession.” Meaningful – Aligns with my value’s of education, service and leadership. Adaptive – This will improve my knowledge about our topic as well as create opportunities to share our findings in a variety of outlets (conference presentations, invited speaking engagements, or consulting) Realistic – We received funding for our research initiatives and have an opportunity to attend a qualitative writing retreat. Time-framed – We have a time line outlined for completing data analysis, writing our article to submit by August 1, 2019. There are variations of SMART goals. For class we used Dr. Russ Harris’s free resources located on the Happiness Trap website. We used the Reality Slap – Appendix 4 – Goal Setting resource. Students started to consider their goal and with only twenty minutes left of class it seemed a bit rushed. I brought the students back together as a whole and we engaged in a post-it activity where the students identified benefits and obstacles of goal setting. I asked students to write one word or a short phrase to describe obstacles and benefits of goal setting. Here is what the students identified: Obstacles Time Management Unrealistic Timeline Not Enough Time Uncomfortable Out of Comfort Zone Unknown Discouraged Outside Influences Not Attainable Too Narrow or Too Broad Fear of Not Achieving Difficult to Complete Redirecting Might Take More Than You Thought Stagnate Difficult to Stick to Anxiety to Reach Goal Scared Insecurity Unequipped Stressful Limiting Closed minded Hard Work May Change Based on Situations Naive Benefits Identify Specific Steps Direction Organization Vision Reminder Encourage Responsibility Something to Work Toward Monitor Growth Clear and Written Path Growth Motivation Peace of Mind Accountability Strive to Complete Dedication Proactive Personal We discussed how fantasizing about achieving your goal can actually be detrimental and reduce the chances of actually following through. We shared possible internal difficulties (self-doubt, anxiety) and external difficulties (lack of skills, personal conflicts with others) that might stand in our way of achieving our goal. We must acknowledge the various turns we experience as we are working toward a goal.
I informed the students that I would give them the weekend to reflect on our discussion and to develop their goal for our three weeks together. The students will return on Monday to make a commitment to the group by reading their SMART goal aloud to the class. By making a public commitment, we are more likely to follow through. For 2019, consider the following questions:
“A goal should scare you a little and excite you A LOT.” – Joe Vitale Know Your Light in the New Year
Why not let thoughts of the future scare you a bit and crack you open. Why not through any darkness experienced in 2018 we choose to reflect God’s light in the upcoming year. Truth is I’m really scared, every new year is a new beginning. I use to think being scared was a negative thing. Especially over the past seven years I’ve learned that being scared or fearful is the true turning point to understanding my light more and truly knowing myself. What is knowing of our light versus really knowing our light? I think early on in life we know of our light, we believe we know who we should be and who everyone else believes we should be. However, really knowing our light is being comfortable with who we are truly meant to be. For me, I find my understanding by going to God first. Do we look to the world or focus on God’s original intention that our greatest relational need is with God. But God knew us humans well, that we would want to continue to strive and achieve. I have to choose daily and ask myself do I trust God...our my own ability to create something and to sustain myself. This week I found myself flipping through my journals over the years (I tend to do this every late December as another new year approaches, reflecting on lessons learned). One journal from seven years ago I wrote about how I still had worries about who I’m supposed to be and that I have a hard time having faith or trust in pretty much anything, especially God. After much heartache from 2011-2018 (there were awesome celebrations in there too, I promise), I understand that each step I had taken during those years contributed to me really knowing me, knowing my light and the importance of reflecting God’s light in all I do. I had to laugh too because there was one day in September 2011 I wrote, “Maybe I’ll have this figured out by the time I’m 40.” Well, I don’t think I have it all figured out, I do believe I’m getting closer to a better understanding of my true purpose. We have to take the good with the bad in each new year that presents itself. I was reminded of this when I was snuggled up on the sofa this week with my English bulldog Lincoln watching my favorite 1980s love story, Say Anything. The character Diane Court says to Lloyd Dobler, “I have this theory of convergence, that good things will always happen with bad things. I know you have to deal with them at the same time, but I just don’t know why they happen at the same time. I just wish I could work out some schedule. Am I just babbling? Do you know what I mean?” In 2018, I was baptized, had a break up, got promoted, didn’t get any money back on my taxes, missioned to Haiti, and gave my steering wheel to God to open my heart to be patient with lessons, life and love. In 2019, we will trek through the good and the bad again. It is how we respond to the convergence of all these things that will determine our outcome this year and future years. Bring it on 2019! A Joyful Light Experiences Flow ‘Tis the season or ‘Tis the stress? Alright for positive psychology sake, let’s ‘Tis the season. During this time of year where do we find joy and how do we keep a positive perspective? I have one recommendation from one of my favorite doctors. Dr. Cziksentmihalyi recommends being in a state of flow. What? Yes, “Flow Theory”, you want to hear more right? Yes, of course you do. Have you ever gotten so lost in an experience that time slips away from you. I’m sure you have. Think of an activity that brings you pure joy, you have a goal to get better and you are getting lost in the moment. Do you have it? It could be a variety of things maybe a deep conversation with a friend, reading a book, working out, roller skating, sailing, or playing music. Why am I so interested in this? Well, I’ve been teaching “Flow Theory” for years in recreation and leadership curricular and co-curricular experiences for twelve years. Okay, back to our goal for this post. What is Flow Theory? How do we experience joy in a state of flow? Dr. Cziksentmihalyi defines flow as “a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.” (Cskikszentmihalyi, 1990, p.4) He identifies a number of different elements involved in achieving flow:
For me, engaging in weight training I find that I experience the majority of elements listed above. I have clear goals (eg. increasing amount of weight to lift, tracking overall inches lost), immediate feedback (eg. ability to lift more than the day before), balance between challenge and skill (eg. trying a new exercise to work a specific muscle group), distractions are excluded (lost in my Toby Mac jams), and time is distorted (OMG! I’ve already been here an hour, I need to get home and take a shower, haha) Flow Is producing a stronger self. Flow leads us to self-actualuzation. We have a sense of fulfillment in our talents and our potential. We have the drive to reach our goals. Flow leads to joy. We experience happiness and bliss. Over the holiday season think about what activity brings you pure joy and make time for it. For you... ‘Tis the season, not the stress. Warrior of the Light Merriam-Webster dictionary broadly defines a warrior as a person engaged in some struggle or conflict. Someone who is a hero, victor, protector, defender, or champion. We typically don’t consider a warrior as someone who is a peacemaker. A peacemaker tends to be an antonym for warrior. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines peacemaker as one who makes peace especially by reconciling parties of variance. I was attending the Leadership Educators Institute last weekend in Orlando, Florida. I was inspired by the experience as an attendee and served as a sponge for a couple days. It has been a while since I have gone to a conference and not have the responsibility of presenting. I was reminded to take time to step back and critically self reflect and critique my own work. I have some learning and unlearning to do. I have to consider what do I need to unlearn and what do I need to learn more about. What do I need to do to assist others in their unlearning and what do I need to do to intentionally listen and learn from others? As I wrap up any semester (grades due soon!), I typically find myself considering what went well and what needs to be changed. What did I learn? What do I need to unlearn to enhance the learning of my students? For today’s post, I want us to reflect on a few questions. Perhaps you are a teacher, a student or anyone who is closing the door on 2018. Consider the following or maybe one question that resonates with you. How do we create opportunities to coexist in harmony in the midst of difference? How do we value what is outside of our own experiences? How do we approach dialogue that is not happening? How do we understand complex issues? How do we move the focus from how we teach to how we learn? How do we role model vulnerability? How do we acknowledge that there may not be a solution today, that things may sometimes be unresolved? How do we deal with power structures? How do we acknowledge the power of our own light and make decisions to control or to empower others? Paulo Coelho in his prologue for, Warrior of the Light, the main character is speaking with a woman who is covered in a veil (she is mysterious). Here is an excerpt: “What is a Warrior of the Light?” The boy asked. “You already know that,” she replied with a smile. “He is someone capable of understanding the miracle of life, of fighting to the last for something he believes in —and of hearing the bells that the waves set ringing on the seabed.” As we approach a new year, why not see yourself as a Warrior of the Light.
Learn, Unlearn...Be a Warrior of the Light! |
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