Know Your Light in the New Year
Why not let thoughts of the future scare you a bit and crack you open. Why not through any darkness experienced in 2018 we choose to reflect God’s light in the upcoming year.
Truth is I’m really scared, every new year is a new beginning. I use to think being scared was a negative thing. Especially over the past seven years I’ve learned that being scared or fearful is the true turning point to understanding my light more and truly knowing myself.
What is knowing of our light versus really knowing our light?
I think early on in life we know of our light, we believe we know who we should be and who everyone else believes we should be. However, really knowing our light is being comfortable with who we are truly meant to be.
For me, I find my understanding by going to God first. Do we look to the world or focus on God’s original intention that our greatest relational need is with God. But God knew us humans well, that we would want to continue to strive and achieve.
I have to choose daily and ask myself do I trust God...our my own ability to create something and to sustain myself.
This week I found myself flipping through my journals over the years (I tend to do this every late December as another new year approaches, reflecting on lessons learned). One journal from seven years ago I wrote about how I still had worries about who I’m supposed to be and that I have a hard time having faith or trust in pretty much anything, especially God.
After much heartache from 2011-2018 (there were awesome celebrations in there too, I promise), I understand that each step I had taken during those years contributed to me really knowing me, knowing my light and the importance of reflecting God’s light in all I do.
I had to laugh too because there was one day in September 2011 I wrote, “Maybe I’ll have this figured out by the time I’m 40.” Well, I don’t think I have it all figured out, I do believe I’m getting closer to a better understanding of my true purpose.
We have to take the good with the bad in each new year that presents itself. I was reminded of this when I was snuggled up on the sofa this week with my English bulldog Lincoln watching my favorite 1980s love story, Say Anything. The character Diane Court says to Lloyd Dobler, “I have this theory of convergence, that good things will always happen with bad things. I know you have to deal with them at the same time, but I just don’t know why they happen at the same time. I just wish I could work out some schedule. Am I just babbling? Do you know what I mean?”
In 2018, I was baptized, had a break up, got promoted, didn’t get any money back on my taxes, missioned to Haiti, and gave my steering wheel to God to open my heart to be patient with lessons, life and love.
In 2019, we will trek through the good and the bad again. It is how we respond to the convergence of all these things that will determine our outcome this year and future years.
Bring it on 2019!